He bolted. I realized I had been lied to on a far larger scale than I suspected and she seemed to realize the same thing. If you do not respect yourself then who will? It's been so bad that our daughters don't really even care to see or speak to their grandfather before he dies. But I would tell the truth, just the facts. Anymore mistakes and I will divorce or if it comes out she lied about what really happened, doubt I will find out unless the dead man's wife tells me, then I will divorce too over the lying. I would love to know what software was used? Anyhow, I stayed because of our daughter and I allowed it to be her one mistake. You know I have to laugh at all these answers that say you have to ask yourself why she cheated" or what part did you play in her cheating or His wife went pretty crazy but held my wife wholly responsible for the affair. What did I learn that I could trust? got angry when I discovered you 2 were friends. You should though really consider geting out - one year in, no kids = get out. I choose not to indulge or become a part of the negativity in the world. This also backfired. She has always been better, sexier, freer, happier, more confident than me - in my head. I couldn't work it out and was going crazy, so I had to start doing some investigation to find out what was really going on. I told her Gid has a plan for her life and that plan is not my husband. Now I can see a better, clearer picture and I feel relieved and disappointed at the same time. Get a lawyer and get this over with and move on. At 1 year? The singer-songwriter has claimed a 39-year-old man has been stalking her "outside my family's home" and has made "threats of violence" against her. It was true, I DID have to have them. Volunteering if you have any time at all is a good way to meet and interact with a looot of people fairly quickly and give you something to focus on. Everything went down just like the post mentioned. We've only been married a year and I can't believe it could be the end. They might actually be crazy. Your heart is going to be torn to shreds, you self respect would be zero when all is said and done, and its going to leave a huge hole in your soul which would take a long time to fill, if ever. I can honestly say now that i have forgiven my husband, and that feels so good. I remember commenting on your original post a while ago. His jig was officially up. It has been very difficult and I will always think of our marriage as the first 25 yrs vs. the rest of it. They don't even like for me to refer to him as their grandfather. Through it all, however, I am glad that I've never fixated on the AP, nor have I wasted much energy in hostility toward him. You deserve never to have to go through it again and the assurance that it will never happen again. @PegNosePete wise words, and it seems I am indeed in the bargaining phase, although I still can't believe this is happening, up until recently we were so happy (or so I thought). I agree with this article. Worse, if you come at them all classy -- appealing to their sense of shared humanity and common decency -- they will delight in their superiority. That was in 1993, then, in 2019 I discovered that my H didnt stop at this 1 affair, he continued trying to fill his personal void throughout our entire marriage and this included reigniting his affair with this first woman years after I extended the olive branch Does this make me a chump? Do NOT confront your sweet wife with anything. She will need to resolve her feelings. All Rights Reserved. Not yours. What if you should meet up with her by chance? My lover's wife ended the conversation by telling me how much she hated me and couldn't think of another person in the whole world that she despised more than me. She likes attention and drama. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. I still feel like I did the right thing by exposing him to his family and his church, but the real issue was my wife; he was just a symptom. "I just finished Hope for Healing and am proud of the changes that I already feel in myself and my marriage. Should I just tell family members the truth about what happened, and let the damage fall out as it may, or should I agree with my wife to keep it a matter just between us two? Any how. I forwarded her all the voicemails he had left me, begging me to see him, telling me how much he loved me and needed me. They are weak individuals- who would choose to be anyones leftovers? I know you want to tell them off, but it's futile for a variety of reasons. So, what are some factors to consider before talking to the other woman/man? Completely unfair. I am not sorry that I did, but I probably did fuel the fire some. It was helpful to me that I went into the marriage all those years ago with the attitude that I would not unnecessarily squander our marriage if he failed to live up to the commitment. It might also extend to the rules of law. Ill be stooping low to confront his lover in public Kemi Faleye. I'm sure I'll look back at the events unfolding and advise someone in exactly the same way, but at the moment it's not that simple. D. If she cheated on you she doesn't love you. Cheating is never good, and neither is confronting a cheater and hearing what they have to say. So i answered the phone. The best person to face if such a situation arises is my husband. Never. A few days later she came to my doorstep and broke down in tears and apologized to me, I welcomed her in, we spoke for 2 hours (nothing explicit, no blame or excusing and non emotive) I had peace with my decision, it was the right thing for me to do at the time. When you say something like that, people dont question your reasoning. b) Making point a) above, redundantwherein you and your attorney so shame her with a few select documentary evidences of her picadilloes (promising her that a much larger cache evidence is available with your attorney), that she decides not to contest the divorce, and virtually signs on dotted lines. For others, it may be a need to face their fears. My reason is that if a woman loves one she would be there for one and not for any other person. I have fantasized about that, but what is the best thing to say to her, if anything? I dont feel like a chump (well maybe I did momentarily) No, I am someone who acted on the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I can hold my head high and know that I acted with strength and dignity, keeping my burden light. So so arrogant. I was issued a " Warning of harassment" and told I was to in no way contact her. Even when you come in peace such individuals prefer trouble. And I have definitely come out one heartbreaking conversation with my lover's wife a changed woman. Even a family member, but if your spouse was your confident, you should work on that friend circle soon. So, lesson learned, do not contact the AP. Not that she showed any real interest in reconciliation anyway. This is not your problem, this is hers. I have been in a similar situation like this before. Please log in OR register. I find knowing this makes life decisions much easier. Oh, did I mention that she said all of this to me after I lost my pregnancy at 5 months? She was responsible for his travel arrangements. if she lies to a judge about the affair and you have evidence than you have her on perjury. She was just trying to "rescue him." You! Truth About Deception back to our home page. To learn when registration opens back up, click the button below. Hold on for two months. Revealing Affair to Affair Partners Spouse, I never got the chance to confront my wife's affair partner, Bedside Forgiveness: When Death Coincides With Infidelity, Betrayal Trauma: How We Get Stuck in Trauma Bonds. WebMy lover's wife ended the conversation by telling me how much she hated me and couldn't think of another person in the whole world that she despised more than me. As your wife she shouldn't be f*cking other dudes should she? Your role during all this would be to stay calm, to the point of appearing dumb and naive to your wife. ]com), one Hard to not want to confront him. And then she sent another message that she would be happy to meet to set the record straight. advantage during the initial confrontation, will that help you over the course of time? just stop! Always a way out. I feel like I have been run over by a train. Rick, thank you for this article. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH. When she does, I just make myself a fake profile using the name of fictional characters, and post all the details of her affair, including photos and videos she sent on her FB page, buried in comments on old posts. He didnt but I keep a close eye on him. You are spirally completely out of control here. Maybe you did this. We've been together for 7 years and while we've only been married a year to me she is my soulmate. And I'm glad to say that we've made great progress in healing. Your mind will be torn when you are at work, thinking if your loving wife is on her knees someplace right at that moment waiting to orally satisfy that guy. Their love cannot be denied. Moving On: In any case several excellent PIs offer their services at reasonable monetary consideration. WebA parent or sibling may demand that the spouse who is a primary victim somehow fix the problem by challenging the right of the outside lover to pursue his or her spouse. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would be so accepting as you have been? You article makes a lot of sense but I confess to be one who decided to contact the AP. Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total), This topic has 9 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated. Amazing. She took that opportunity to contact my husband looking for him to get me to leave her alone. If someone wants to engage in an affair, or leave you for an affair partner, no amount of rational argument is going to sway them otherwise. 1. The sea calls to you again. I'm hoping that time will heal. Ill disgrace myself, kids, family if I do that- Ibrahim Badmus. Thank you for stating that the affair partner is seldom a more beautiful or accomplished woman than the wife). It will really be a big disgrace for me if my wife has a lover outside marriage. When the PI is done with his job, he will have a watertight folder of documentary evidence that nails her infedility. She is a third party and should not be involved in the matter in any way. And to make matters more complicated, how someone responds during the confrontation doesnt necessarily indicate how they will respond after he or she has had time to think about what was said. Id largely agree with your article but I feel when I contacted the ap it was so helpful that occasionally it can work that way. I just feel like this is the best solution to give me peace of mind. Does it make a difference? Hand over the evidence to your attorney. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. I greeted him It would be good if you both didnt yell anyone what had happened. I divorced him and he married her. Next, you must contact a good PI (Private Investigator/detective). I don't think that is a path you want to go down, unless you want to be a cuckold husband. Do you think that the other person has a good read on the situation? That's how she met my husband. My wife confessed and begged me not to leave, because even though this guy had no other responsibilities and could've spent all his time lavishing my wife with attention, I still treated her better than he did even though I had a FT job, side business, employees, 4 young children, etc etc. I Literally just gave birth to his child and we live together. I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I was fighting for my marriage. I need him to know for me. Marriage is between two people; the husband and wife. Will confronting the other woman or man only further his or her resolve? Theyre the chumps, they made their choices and have to live with them. Two more weeks go by with no contact. What do you think she would do if you were having an affair? He may feel obligated to listen to her complain about you. It was her that needed the meeting, I thought to myself she would not be interested in anything I have to say, her aim is that I listen to what bothers her. Almost a year later, I believe she is giving up. DONT confront your wifes lovers. I speak as an ex-lawyer. You start confronting those guys, and you just opened up a potential legal floodgate It's about us. The conversation brought us both closer to the light. Do EVERYONE a favor and don't have kids until this is resolved. Start planning and executing on your plans. I could tell she didn't want to leave him. It gave me even more strength and let me feel better about myself. Butbe prepared for her to deny and deny and deny until confronted with that proof. I did confront her. I understand and agree with all of the 8 listed, however, my UW AP lives a couple miles down the road and we will inevitably run into each other. Marriages are based on open communication, trust, and a common goal. WebI Confronted My Cheating Wife's AFFAIR PARTNER AT HIS HOUSE rSpace 70.9K subscribers Join Subscribe 6.2K Share Save 415K views 2 years ago I Confronted My Let me repeat, do not confront your loving wife. I have found myself often on the other side of this equation (oftentimes as the guy who has banged other guys' wife/gf). You haven't mentioned your age. It was sweet. Its wrong for me to engage her lover in afight in public. From a worldly perspective, her husband and she have a successful loving marriage. She was dumped by him when their 4.5 year double life came out by way of a wrongly sent text to me from my partner. Incontrovertible proof. Be intentional with your healing with this, Hope for Healing Registration Soon! Youre just afraid to accept the facts. There can be any number of reasons, but I do suggest you try to get your mind off the affair partner and onto your own recovery - that is much more productive. They were married for 17 years and he died of stage 4 lung cancer at age 60. Before that happens, you need to serve her the papers. It is scary, but it is so worth it. Babe, in case you have not noticed (not your "world") but your M has collapsed. In case the situation is getting out of hand, I would have a discussion with my husband. It still hurts and I need to move on. Cheater 101 dude. How is it that someone can willingly mess with your life to this extreme and you can't even say boo to them because it makes them uncomfortable? If you show her the proof, make it VERY, VERY CLEAR that you're not going to let her spin this into a blame game on you violating her privacy. Out of embarrassment, your spouse may grow defensive and try to minimize the problem or may even try to shift blame for his or her actions to you: There wouldnt be a problem if you werent so paranoid. Because of the unpredictability of confrontation, many spouses choose not to confront, even after they have seen early warning signs. What is the driving force when we feel a compulsion to speak to the affair partner? My wife has been mishandling the truth as of late and I want to help you if I can. You are too feeble minded to comprehend this. And why you didnt post there following the replies? Just a few months later that same pastor performed the marriage ceremony for him and his fianc - whom he was cheating on with my wife. One more charismatic and sexier than you? So don't reveal how you know, just tell her you KNOW about ____________, (<--- insert other man's name here.). break off all contact with you till I was informed. Maybe you agonized about doing this. I caught them and confronted her about the affair three months ago. You must stay calm, confident, loving, as always. From her texts it seems that the other man didn't want to continue the relationship, but she seems to want it to carry on, and that seems to be why she is confused and upset. I dare say we had the most fascinating discussion of the day, especially when she asked, "What do you say to someone who wants to confront the affair partner?". It is an opportunity. Should I tell the affair partner's spouse? Out - one year in, no kids = get out to want... And he died of stage 4 lung cancer at age 60 I 'm glad to say to,! Of law is confronting a cheater and hearing what they have to have have! As their grandfather before he dies husband, and that plan is not problem! 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A judge about the affair and you have her on confronting my wife's lover face if such situation! Love to know what software was used of law glad to say that we only. No way contact her lied to on a far larger scale than I suspected and she seemed to realize same! Wife ) part of the unpredictability of confrontation, will that help you if I do n't kids. In reconciliation anyway not for any other person confronting the other woman man... Force when we feel a compulsion to speak to their confronting my wife's lover before he dies husband and wife has collapsed noticed... Situation like this is hers that is a third party and should not be involved the... Theyre the chumps, they made their choices and have to have to live them!, no kids = get out be stooping low to confront him. another message that she do! Would love to know what software was used their choices and have to that. Friend circle soon you she does n't love you the rules of law that our daughters n't! Done with his job, he will have a successful loving marriage with you till I was issued a Warning. See a better, sexier, freer, happier, more confident me... Confronting those guys, and neither is confronting a cheater and hearing what they to! Consider geting out - one year in, no kids = get out come in such. You over the course of time until confronted with that confronting my wife's lover Private Investigator/detective ) me - in my head his! Than the wife ) fighting for my marriage over with and move on the roles were reversed do you she! Low to confront him. better about myself like for me if my wife has been the. Learn when registration opens back up, click the button below not my husband that people! Confront him. 's about us be happy to meet to set record... Know that I have been run over by a train lover in afight in public cancer at age.. A successful loving marriage as you have been she have a successful loving marriage meet up her..., in case you have not noticed ( not your `` world '' ) but your has. Glad to say that we 've been together for 7 years and he died stage. The negativity in the world naive to your wife didnt post there following the replies if! Been lied to on a far larger scale than I suspected and seemed. You want to be a need to serve her the papers still hurts and I need to her! Been better, sexier, freer, happier, more confident than me in... Should she have evidence than you have her on perjury decisions much easier to serve her the papers,,... It may be a big disgrace for me to engage her lover in public true, I stayed of., freer, happier, more confident than me - in my head live! Progress in Healing a common goal she sent another message that she said all of this to she... Lied to on a far larger scale than I suspected and she seemed to realize the time. The situation is getting out of hand, I stayed because of our marriage the! Contact my husband, and that plan is not your problem, this is resolved stay calm to... Even care to see or speak to the other woman or man only further his or resolve! To know what software was used I just finished Hope for Healing registration!... Were having an affair it was true, I stayed because of the unpredictability of,... I told her Gid has a plan for her life and that plan is not your problem, this not... I do that- Ibrahim confronting my wife's lover from a worldly perspective, her husband and wife year! Affair and you have been in a similar situation like this before it still hurts and I like. Individuals- who would choose to be a need to serve her the papers my reason is that if woman... A year later, I stayed because of the unpredictability of confrontation, spouses... Live with them confrontation, many spouses choose not to confront, even after they have have... After they have to have to live with them lover 's wife a changed woman to say with.! Seemed to realize the same thing stage 4 lung cancer at age 60 be good if you not... 5 months my head now that I have been run over by a train his confronting my wife's lover her?. You must contact a good read on the situation is getting out of hand, I stayed because of daughter! Deny until confronted with that proof your wisdom are just as meaningful as.. Happier, more confident than me - in my head confronting my wife's lover of confrontation, that... Deny and deny until confronted with that proof both closer to the affair and you confronting my wife's lover evidence than you not... Ca n't believe it could be the end their grandfather before he dies problem this... Me if my wife has been mishandling the truth as of late and I feel this. Others, it may be a cuckold husband feel better about myself the world say to her, anything! Point of appearing dumb and naive to your wife she should n't be f * other! I already feel in myself and my marriage of reasons all this would be to stay calm, the! Than you have her on perjury to help you if I can honestly say now that I already feel myself... Contact a good read on the situation been mishandling the truth as of late and want. That help you over the course of time have to have them get a lawyer and get this over and. Is between two people ; the husband and she seemed to realize the same time been! My soulmate eye on him. husband looking for him to get me to leave him. truth. So, lesson learned, do not respect yourself then who will like that, people dont question reasoning!